Treo Transient has been shit-tweeting me again. This means war. But we’ll get to our revenge anon. Let me first set the record straight:
1. I was not an “analyst” at Lehman. I was a vice-president, specializing in analysis and financial analysis.
2. I am not just collecting unemployment and sleeping on my cousin’s futon. I am a full-blown, trashcan-fire-loitering, newspaper-blanket-using, bindle-carrying, street-corner-sulking, bearded-Will-Ferrel-style hobo. That I also use a blackberry is simply a sign of the zeitgeist.
3. My name is not Parker Davenport or Haze Davenporter. I clubbed with those fine gentleman, but they are not I (or vice versa).
4. I didn’t go to Wharton. T.T. is thinking of Parkerton Goldstein, who I am not.
5. I do in fact have a serious socks-issue. This is not just an “affectation” or a “hook”.
6. This blog predates anything T.T. has tweeted by days, if not weeks. I have a photo of me blogging in Times Square on New’s Year Eve which I will upload as soon as mr. bridge-and-tunnel e-mails it to me.
7. Actually, I’m not an alcoholic. Not all hobos are alcoholics. It’s a common misconception because dried body secretions do eventually ferment.
8. I am not “gawker”.
9. This is not “conceptual”.
10. The reason I don’t have any savings is because I lived a bottle-service lifestyle and always “banked” on tomorrow. My penury has nothing to do with a failed investment in HD-DVD.
11. I have not been seen tooling around on a Vespa.
